So, I read somewhere that the only thing I need to drop is the weight of other people’s opinions. I’ve always said that I don’t care what people say about me but, truth be told, I do. Not ALL the time but sometimes. What I worry most about, though, is what I say about myself.
I’ve been beating myself up a lot lately. I’ve lost the passion for the barbell that I had 6 months ago. I don’t know where it went but it went somewhere. All I want to do now is cardio work. I outwardly say things like “I don’t care about lifting” or “Eh. Who cares about that dang barbell?” and then my mood shifts away from doing well on our strength round and just getting through it so I can get to the WOD. I stopped caring about PR’s and form and just starting doing whatever I needed to do to get past the barbell stuff. Truth bomb: I’ve even shaved reps because of not caring.
It’s funny now to type it out and actually read it back to myself. Has my passion for CrossFit changed? No. That I can say for sure. So… what did change? What am I using as a crutch or an excuse? These are all good questions that I actually don’t have the answers for.
I think that I need to just be patient with myself. No… I know I need to be patient. I was on a great streak of losing pounds and inches and then I sort of hit a lull where I didn’t feel like anything was changing anymore. I started feeling frustrated that I couldn’t do an over head squat. I started getting angry with myself for not being able to bench press heavier than 75 lbs. Doing a power snatch is a whole other level of strength that I felt like I was lacking. Now that I’m writing this out (By the way: If you do not journal, especially on your journey to healthy, I suggest you do.) I can tell where my problem with myself is. I’m thinking to myself “I should be able to do a 75 lb power snatch BY NOW.” “I should be able to do a 90 lb clean BY NOW.” “I should be able to use a 35 lb kettlebell BY NOW.”
‘By now’ will be the two words that stick in your craw and dig at you until you can’t take it anymore. They will be the death of your love for cardio or barbell or running. Trust me because I’m there RIGHT NOW. Maybe I need to switch up how I talk to myself? Maybe if I say “One day I will power clean 90 lbs.” I’ll do it when no one is looking and shock the hell out of myself. Maybe if I just take off the weight of my own judgements about myself I’ll find that passion again to lift, heavy or not.
Well.. this was cathartic. Clearly I answered my own questions. Now I can get back to my workout and have a fresh perspective on lifting again. I don’t need to be doing anything ‘BY NOW’. I need to be doing whatever I’m doing as I am so that one day I WILL be able to do all that stuff I want to do. I need to be patient with myself.
YOU need to be patient with yourself, too. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It took us years for our bodies to get where we DON’T want them to be so it’s gonna take some time to get them to where we DO want them to be.
Make sense? I hope so.
See you at the box! I’ll save a barbell for you!
#fromcouchtocrossfit #mystandardsmyway #fortheloveoflifting #patienceisavirtue #doingthehardthings #13stripescrossfitsimyjam