I want to run. I really do. I want to be good at it, too. I want to be fast and nimble not slow and awkward. I want to be able to run the entire way around the building without having to stop to walk. I want to be unafraid of a 5K. I want to just automatically be good at it.

I’m not. It’s hard for me. Very hard. I struggle to pace my breathing correctly, every time my foot hits the pavement it doesn’t feel all that great. My body is still large and that causes bouncing and jiggling that can be uncomfortable and even painful. I do the warm up runs, the easy 200 meters, but during the WOD I’ll choose to row instead of run. It disappoints me to no end. Part of me feels like I’m just not trying hard enough, the other part of me knows that my body is telling me to walk before I run.

So I made a clear decision.  I will put the running on hold until I’ve lost some more weight and I’ve mastered cardio. (Does one every really MASTER cardio?)  I believe I had said in a previous post that cardio is very, very hard for me. Carrying around the extra 120 or so lbs I have doesn’t help when I’m working on my cardio.  Imagine trying to run with all that weight?  One would say it’s almost impossible.

I know that there are many people who literally just started running one day and dropped weight with a snap of their fingers. They apparently have some cosmic super hero endurance somewhere that I missed getting the day it was handed out. It could be mind over matter for them. But for me, it’s body over mind. My body is literally telling me that running, right now, for any long distance or in a WOD is not a good idea. I’m carrying too much weight to handle that plus the other movements we need to do. Coming to that realization was not easy by any means. It was quite disheartening and I shed several tears about it because I was angry with myself. I felt defeated and embarrassed.

Then I realized something. Even if I only run the 200 meter in a warmup… I’m RUNNING. I’m still running. Which, in and of itself, is pretty amazing considering when I started there was no such thing as running for me. I avoided it as much as I could.  “I don’t run.” was what I always said.  Now I can run a little bit. That’s better than nothing.

Here’s what I want you to take away from this;  you really can do anything you set your mind to. Your body will tell you when it’s not ready. All you have to do is listen.  And then, one day, just like that your body will show you what you can do. You just have to be patient with yourself.

See you at the Box!!

#fromcouchtocrossfit #mystandardsmyway #runningandrunning #conversationswithmybody

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